I had an epiphany last week while trying to focus on work: I don't want to be fiddling with my phone constantly, not on a conscious level. I know this because when I re-enabled one sec, which forces you to wait ~10 seconds before opening an app, I racked up well over a dozen attempts to open a social media app just from checking my phone to do something innocuous, like reading a text or email or whatever. over a dozen times! I got more and more frustrated each time it happened, until I ultimately realized that the conscious thought of "no, I shouldn't do this" was arriving too late. it was a reflex, not a decision.

so, I started by removing one particular blue-iconed app from my phone. and do you know what happened on my first day at work without it? I completely forgot it was gone. I didn't even process the fact that it was uninstalled more than, like, once in the morning. I'm not exaggerating! I can only assume the app icon itself was what triggered the muscle memory, given how quickly it fell out of my mind.

I was still checking cohost a lot, though. cohost not having on-device notifications is Good™︎, I think, but there's only so much a platform can do to promote healthy usage. if your phone trains your brain thoroughly enough, it doesn't need to buzz to grab your attention. I was unconsciously handing over my attention to my various ~boredom apps~ immediately upon waking up, and throughout the day, and before going to sleep.

I uninstalled all of them. I don't need to be plugged in 16 hours a day, not here or anywhere. amusingly, the day-to-day experience after this change reminds me of high school, having to wait from bedtime to after school work to log back on. maybe it's better this way! or, maybe I just got sick of indulging my boredom constantly, like eating nothing but candy for breakfast.

in conclusion: it really, truly is because I'm on that damn phone